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I thought back, but all I remembered was shed gotten tutoring from Shawn like five years ago. He was a few years older than her and had gone to check on them in her room when I heard him yelling. Steph said she had stepped on his foot and that was why she had been on the floor and he was talking off his pants. Shed been looking to see if it was okay. Of course then the truth came to me. Seriously, you bought that whole lame foot excuse? My sister could read my face like a book. But&hellip, I stammered. I was only like twelve, and you were only fourteen! I hissed in a hushed accusation. Girls bloom earlier than boys, was her whispered cheeky response. But I have to admit that Id figured youd have gotten there a lot sooner than just this summer. She was your first right? I nodded a little ashamed that I was so inexperience for having almost graduated from high school and only now getting any action from a girl. Even if my sister was almost a year older than me she had over five years. I have known great passions, and great sex. But sensual exploration of sexuality, loss of all thought and inhibition, losing CONTROL. Total surrender. How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself. Coolly dealing with the realities of life. How then do I surrender myself? The very thought of doing this awakens something in me that has lain dormant. I WANT IT! To not be bound by anything, to explore and be explored. To discover and be discovered, mind… body… soul… all senses. Oh, the allure! The attraction of just letting go… getting lost in such sweet surrender! The very thought frightens me, and yet makes my soul ache for it. I can see it, you know. I can write here for you about it, for here in my words… my little world, I am free to do as I choose. Her words, again, and so true, again. How could I not see it… picture it? I can, in my mind, and in these words, surrender.
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